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Let Out

The world doesn't have to hear what I have to say, but I'll say it, hoping someone, somewhere might stumble here and maybe find a piece of themselves.

Made Of Stone

Maybe I turned to stone,
So cold you’d freeze,
With just a gaze.

So hard I’d take,
Every blow,
And not even wince.

So sharp I’d cut through,
All your layers,
And hit the right spot.

So heavy I’ll crush to dust,
Every bone in your body,
With nothing but my weight.

But you don’t like this,
Do you?
This wall of stone,
This new me.
But then again,
Why would you?

Don’t you think,
You should though?
For I wouldn’t be here,
If it weren’t for you.

But I Did

When you said I couldn’t,
And I didn’t.
That was the day that I died,
Just a little bit inside.

When you said you wouldn’t,
But you did.
And no matter how hard I tried to fight,
I couldn’t make myself believe otherwise.

You never kept a leash on your words,
But I did.
Maybe that’s what broke me inside,
I could never take it in stride.

You promised you wouldn’t,
But you lied.
And every single one,
It made me realize

How much I wanted out,
And I also didn’t.
I was never sure,
Not until I tried.

Colder

The silhouettes of leafless trees stand against a splatter of orange on the horizon. Blackened by human hate, cold-heartedness and coveting, these trees still stand their ground. For now, at least.

This is the kind of black that’s beautiful to the eye, but you’ll know there’s death inside.

The sun, with a heart as heavy as mine, tries to paint them again.forest_silhouette_3_by_darkbeforedawn23-d97mc51

Bloodshed

There’s a war up there in the sky today; a beautiful bloodshed. I see streaks of orange red, here and there, across the canvas of the sky. The silvery-gray clouds, trying their best to mask the sun, can’t help but reflect an orangey glow. The sun may look like it’s losing the war, but its blood seeps through the clouds. Less than half a moon, strives for the darkness to stay. But even when I don’t see the sun, I can see everything else, as clear as the day.
I see the sun now; a perfect circle, all red from having fought this long. The sky, it’s a glorious golden, and the moon, nowhere to be seen.

Looking for Validation

Deep cuts, the creases were,
Deeper than the skin she wore.
Engraved like the markings,
Of a story that must remain untold.

All the brightness of the day,
Had shown darkness the way.
Looking for validation,
For someone to say,
That her baneful existence
Could be something more.
That her shadows would disappear,
And that they were sure.

Questioning eyes,
But not curious enough.
Maybe knowing the answers,
Would only hurt more.

She sighed, and stood,
Weak in the legs,
But perhaps not in the heart,
Not so much, not anymore.
concentric-rings-of-ripple

Stealing Happiness.

 
“Can a person steal happiness? Or is it just another infernal, infernal human trick?” – The Book Theif.

I’m not sure where I intend to go with this, what the point or objective of it is. So consider this something like the random train of thoughts you get while staring at a blank wall. When your thoughts go from place to place, without direction, jump from one thing to another.

There is no such thing as lasting happiness. Or happiness like the perfection we imagine it to be. A time when you wish for nothing more and hope for nothing else. But it doesn’t work that way, does it?

We tend to associate happiness with the past or the future, only rarely the present. Does happiness only become happiness when we look back at it, or look forward to it? Maybe it’s just because we’re built that way, always looking for more.

And more often than not, we tend to associate our happiness with others. I’m not going to deny that seeing a loved one happy isn’t one of the greatest pleasures, but to rely on someone to make YOU happy, that’s different. And that is where the problem is. We spend our lives finding the perfectly fitting pieces to our jigsaw puzzle. What we don’t realize is that the puzzle was pieced together perfectly in the first place. And all the new pieces that you look for can only add to what you already have. You share your happiness with others, add to their puzzles and let them supplement yours. But you don’t rely on them to fill the spaces and voids, because they’ll never fit in the spaces that must be filled by you.

And how do you get happiness? You steal it. Try to hold on to it like grains of sand slipping through the gaps between your fingers, only not with the feeling of helplessness but with gratitude that it was your fingers they touched. Happiness is just fleeting moments that pass you by in a whim. And all you can really do, is hope and try to cherish them in the short while that they last.

glitter

Starting Anew

The last time I posted here was over three years ago.
Re-reading some of my old posts, honestly, made me cringe and laugh a little. And the only reason I decided not to delete some of the really embarrassing stuff is that I’m a hoarder. I hoard memories, good and bad, sweet and bitter.

I only hope I write better now.

Apart from all of that, here’s how the thought process went:

  1. Wow, what the hell was I thinking when I wrote this?
  2. Oh, this one is actually kind of good. I like it. Did I really write this?
  3. This blog needs some serious editing.
  4. I should take this up again.
  5. Maybe I’ll do that later, some day.

Currently attempting to make that “some day” happen.

DISCLAIMER: Before anyone starts to get their hopes up, I should mention that I do NOT, at all, consider myself a writer. That is something I could only aspire to be, at this point, at least.newleaf

On Shattered Glass

Saving you from yourself,
From everything your past beheld.
Stumble, fall and rise up again,
Try to hold on to something therein.
You stay strong, but you’re torn inside,
You know what you are and put everything aside.
Keep your head up and continue to strive,
You lower your pace, but keep up the stride.
You push open your door,
They close the windows shut.
You tell yourself it’s okay,
But you know it’s everything but.c3cnqgs

For You

Among the fears
In the midst of blames
Followed by grief
All blown up to flames

Nobody knows
Nobody shares
Nobody shows
An inch of care

But there again
To catch every tear
To hold your hand
Somebody’s here

If you could grab another star
If you could light another smile
Make my world go around
As I see that laugh in your eyes

Whenever pain strikes
Through every silent cry
You should know
That I’ll always be there.

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